Warm Bodies: Leave your science at the door

Get your shotguns and hugs ready!

Get your shotguns and hugs ready!

Zombies!  Nothing is a more surefire sign of the apocalypse than reanimated corpses, with the possible exception mushroom clouds and Mad Max style spiky armor.  There are a few rules to follow when you find yourself up against the walking dead: aim for the head, find a defensible position before night falls, and keep moving to avoid running out of supplies.  Warm Bodies, written and directed by Johnathon Levine, wants us to add another rule to this plan:  Hug them. Talk with them. Include them in your life.  Discover, together, what it truly means to love.

… I think I’ll stick with the shotgun and the sure fire plan of running away screaming like a little girl, but whatever floats your boat.

Continue reading

Gnomoria: Dwarves not included

THINGS HAPPEN.

THINGS HAPPEN.

There have been some definite challenges to rebooting Faceplant!  The first and foremost of these problems has been due to what the outside world refers to as “Windows 8.1″ which can’t seem to understand why anyone would want to use MS Paint ever, so they hid it away into the bowels of the operating system and made it impossible to search for it.  Since MS Paint is basically my number one tool for cropping and editing pictures, searching for it became a thing.  Also about Windows 8.1:  Why did they feel the need to put an operating system obviously meant for a touchscreen tablet on, say, anything other than a fucking touchscreen tablet?

Strangely, that rant actually sums up my feels about the thing I’m reviewing this week pretty well.

Continue reading

La Mulana: THOU ART TINY.

This doesn't seem too bad.  What's it going to do, blink at me?

This doesn’t seem too bad. What’s it going to do, blink at me?

La Mulana is not your friend.

Let’s just get that out of the way right now.  If you had any illusions that this charming, quirky little 2D platformer actually felt something for you, now’s the time to let them go.  La Mulana isn’t friendly.  It doesn’t feel remorse.  And God knows, it definitely doesn’t pity you.  What it does, however, is find new and efficient ways to stab you, electrocute you, kill you, trap you in a hellish murderpit, and drown you. That is, it will do these things when you actually figure out what the hell it is that you’re supposed to be doing, and where you’re supposed to be doing it.

Continue reading

Let me tell you a story, son

THE LOST CITY OF FACEPLANT!  Okay fine, it's called Petra or whatever, according to flyicarusfly.com

THE LOST CITY OF FACEPLANT! Okay fine, it’s called Petra or whatever, according to flyicarusfly.com

Once upon a time there was a website.  It was a pretty alright, all things considered, frequently updated by three nerdy, slightly hyperactive young men by the names of Enosh, Elrood and Tophat.  The point of this website was to review entertaining things, what so the wide world of the internet would never again have to search through miles of shit in order to find those ever elusive gems of brilliance.

Continue reading

Oh hello.

Wow. What’s been going on here lately? The place looks like a ghost town. No new content for over a week is a record I’d hoped we’d never achieve, but here we are. For my part I broke a bone near my elbow in a work related incident about a week and a half ago which has made typing difficult. In fact I was surprised by how many activities require the ability to twist or move my arm in such a way that it affects my elbow. Good news is I will have a short post tomorrow.

I am sick

HEY CUZ.

So hey.

Hey.

Here’s the deal.

I am not feeling so hot.  It’s nothing major, I’m sure.  Just a general case of the blahs that is making it difficult to think and makes me take legendary naps.  Yet, somehow, I find myself inexorably drawn back to Faceplant.  Routine has reared its ugly head.  I have to write an article because this is just what Tophat does on Sunday evenings.  I feel like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, a sick feeling in my gut as I know that it is time to watch Price is Right but there are no TVs around me anywhere.  Uh oh.  7 p.m.  Time to write Faceplant.  Uh oh.  7:01.  UH OH.

Continue reading

Gaming on the Go: I Smell an iPhony

Like many forms of technology I have developed a seriously pendulant love-hate relationship with smartphones. On the one hand all I ever wanted was a cellphone that made high quality phone calls. On the other the thought of the entirety of the internet in the palm of my hand is a temptation I cannot resist. So I got a refurbished iPhone a while back. The trouble with owning a smartphone is you will eventually start loading it up with games, which forces me to question whether or not these games can in any way be comparable to those on my Xbox or PC. At first glance the answer seems to be an obvious no, but you have to boil down the concept of gaming to really look at what phone games have to offer. Continue reading

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.