Gears of War 3: Saw that plot in half with a chainsaw bayonette

Giblets

Remember that time they made three games about super-meathead soldiers hacking and slashing their way through an entire army of underground pale dudes who were maybe insects or something armed with little more than chainsaws, bullets and testosterone?  Yeah, I know, we’re kind of behind the times on this one, seeing as how Gears of War 3 can now no longer be considered a new game, what because of all the TIME that has passed since now and whatever month it was released.  But I finally had time to sit down with Elrood and Enosh to polish this sucker off this weekend, wherein I was treated to a lot of explosions, Enosh sounding like a robot through his faulty mic, and huge gaping plot holes the game assures us were adequately filled, even though we know better.

Blizzcon 2013 coming soon….WAIT WWHHHHAAATT?!

As regular Faceplant readers know (any of you?  hello? internet?) Blizzcon is a big deal to me.  I’ve attended it for the past three years.  Two of those years, I became super annoying picture-taking guy for the sole reason of posting most of them on this very blog.  It has become a tradition, an excuse to jet out to sunny California and spend time with my friends and an even bigger bunch of like-minded folk who share my love of Blizzard games.  I was thus enormously surprised and kind of sad when Blizzard announced that in 2012, Blizzcon would not happen.  Actually, announced is a strong word for it.  It was basically a throwaway line in a small post, although I’m sure Blizzard was aware of the firestorm it would cause.  This is not a OMG BLIZZARD WHAT ARE YOU DOING post.  While having no Blizzcon to attend this year is indeed lame, Blizzard is not stupid.  I actually agree with them.  Overall, holding a Blizzcon this year was not a good idea.

Visioneers: In a forgotten corner of Martha’s Vineyard George’s bones are rattling

Every once in a while I go through periods in which really depressing things make me happy. I suppose it’s cathartic but I always assumed catharsis had to end in crying or blood. Lots of blood. Pooling in those strange dips in the carpet you’re pretty sure are left over from something dirty the previous occupants of your apartment owned. Anyway, this all started back in college when I read The Bell Jar. Sylvia Plath is, or rather was, the living breathing Debby Downer. Though John Campbell is trying his best to assume the crown. I’d forgotten just how wonderful these times could be. Thankfully I have Zach Galifianakis to remind me. Before his break out role in The Hangover this comedian with an impossible last name starred in Visioneers.

Live Like a Man Die Like a Cop: A crooked cop and a celebrity pharmacist

Faceplant has had a rocky start to 2012, what with one of our writers dying and another being framed for murder. Well this week we had to ship beloved, no that’s not the word, bedabbled Tophat has been shipped off to the funny farm for a nice relaxing vacation. I hear the place is so fancy even the walls are padded. But you don’t really care about the comings and goings of three nitwits do you? Your here because you’re jonesing for does of narrative. Well have I got a whopper for you. I’ve tracked down the origin of Dangeresque, and it’s an Italian parody movie from 1976 called Live Like a Cop Die Like a Man. Or, directly translated from Italian the movie is titled Live Like  Man Die Like a Cop. Funny thing about romantic languages, you can work out the grammar structure of any of them based on a working knowledge of one of them. Something you’d expect a distributor like CineFear to work out.

Diablo 3 Beta Quick Hits

It’s been a long freaking time.  I played Diablo 3 the first time I attended Blizzcon in 2009.  I’ve never played the original.  I only dabbled in Diablo 2 for a short time, mostly because by the time I played it the game was pretty outdated compared to what else was out there.  However, the appeal was clear.  Dark fantasy setting, tons of different ways to play a character and LOOT.  Oh the loot.  There’s a shiny piece of awesome around the next corner if only you played for a few for minutes.  Diablo has mastered this concept.  After playing for the first time I was excited.  Then I played it for a second time….at Blizzcon 2010.  Then I played it for a THIRD time…..at Blizzcon 2011.  IT HAS TO BE SOON!  The beta is a very small dose of D3, but I can tell just from the very limited time I’ve spent playing that Blizzard will once again be the cause of tens of thousands of hours being lost across the world to this game.

The day the internet died: and something about House of Pain

I come to you from behind a thinly veiled wall of protestory and shenanigans. For the nerdiest of our nerdy readers, you may have noticed some of your favorite websites have gone dark for the day. These websites range from blog hosts such as our own gracious hosts wordpress.com to social sharing sites such as reddit, to the almighty wikipedia have shut down services in an effort to raise awareness of two bills being debated in the U.S. Congress that would grant the U.S. Attorney General the power to effectively shut down any website it deems necessary. Now, technically these powers are limited to actions on websites the AG has found to be operating in violation of piracy laws loosely defined by the legislation in question. But if we have learned anything from Obama and his many Czars, those in power have no qualms about stretching the limits of their powers in an effort to exercise more of the powers beyond the scope of intention of the original powers. Power. So quelling piracy in 2012, rewriting current news in order to fuel the stagnant economy in 1984. Or simply turning U.S. into the new China. They own all our debt anyway.  But enough politics.

Corporate Skull: Company secrets or random debauchery?

I haven’t reviewed a comic for a while!  Not sure what’s up with that, but I’ll fix this right up on the double.  For quite some time now I’ve been aware of the existence of Corporate Skull, but it has only been recently that I decided to take a look at what this comic has to offer.  Written and drawn by Jamie Smart, it turns out that Corporate Skull is all about office shenanigans, the fine art of not giving a shit, and a heaping helping of inappropriate humor.  Basically, it turns out I should have been reading it for a lot longer than I have.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

So yes this is the THIRD article on Faceplant that deals with The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.  I reviewed the book a while back, and Enosh recently reviewed the Swedish film.  Here I will be discussing the musical version on ice that is currently taking America by storm.  Ok that isn’t true, but there IS another film that just came out that deserves some attention.  I have a much higher opinion of the Swedish film than Enosh does, so much so that when the American version of Dragon Tattoo was first announced my reaction was “damn it, WHY!”.  Well, the answer to that question is two words and sealed the deal on me paying some ducats to go see this movie:  David Fincher.  He made “the Facebook movie” (Social Network) one of the best I’ve seen in recent memory.  He’s the director of my favorite movie ever, Se7en.  The subject matter here is right up his alley.  I had high expectations for this film, which I am glad to say were mostly met.

OpenTTD: I have opened a Pandora’s box

As you may have already guessed my Faceplant faithfuls, rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. Instead of making new subterranean friends, or rather extracosmic friends, I’ve been locked away in a dark closet comforted only by the hum of an overzealous 60mm fan in an effort to bring you my humble opinion of a retro game I have recently discovered. As with many of my latest discoveries, this one came from r/minecraft on reddit. Someone was lamenting being away from their gaming machine for the holidays and said they found a nice alternative in Open Transportation Tycoon Deluxe. In the days when Chris Sawyer was brandishing his capitalistic prowess I was deeply entrenched in the Maxis camp. My general sentiment was why run the transportation system when I can run the whole city? I spent most of my time typing in imacheat and focusing on massive infrastructure projects. What 12 year old needs budgetary concerns? It wasn’t until I spent a few years as a political affairs reporter that I returned to the game and began to take an interest in the budget. After all, I’ve seen enough annual reports since graduating college it ought to be a breeze. Sure enough I built a large city with a balanced budget. Then I found OTTD. A whole new budget system and technology progression.

Wakfu beta: Planting a better tomorrow

so elegant. So Japanese.

Augh, oh God I just sneezed all over my computer monitor!  This is the worst!  Also, I am coming to terms with the fact that the more Faceplant articles I write in a row, the less sense they make.  But meh, as the only surviving member of the Great Faceplant Massacre of 2012, it falls to me to once again present you with SOME kind of entertainment.  Or something.  I’m really not sure what it is I’m trying to accomplish here, honestly.  Ehhh, Can’t over think this thing.  Writing Faceplant is how I will deal with the deaths of Elrood and Enosh following this horrible…  horror.

Anyway, back when he was still alive, there was a conversation I had with Elrood about MMOs. Elrood has long been appraised about my feelings for World of Warcraft:  namely, that at any given point my love for the game could devolve into a deep rooted hatred that seethes below the surface of my sarcastic exterior.  Around the same time I finally cancelled my account, I heard about Wakfu, a new MMO being created by Square Enix and Akama through a nerdy nerd magazine for nerds.  While Wakfu didn’t sound like the kind of game I typically picked up, it sounded so different from every other MMO out there I had to admit I was intrigued.

… Having separation anxiety from World of Warcraft may have played into that, as well.