Once upon a time there was a website. It was a pretty alright, all things considered, frequently updated by three nerdy, slightly hyperactive young men by the names of Enosh, Elrood and Tophat. The point of this website was to review entertaining things, what so the wide world of the internet would never again have to search through miles of shit in order to find those ever elusive gems of brilliance.
They called that website Faceplant! Because… because of reasons, okay? No, this isn’t a gardening site! How could you even think that? That is ridiculous.
Faceplant updated for quite some time, every week, without fail. But unfortunately, our three heroes never found that one thing that every great website needs to survive: a good audience. At the end of Faceplant’s run, there were about four people who regularly checked out this fine site… which is a pretty auspicious end to a website that ran three times a week for over two years.
Why did it end? Well, life happened, dear reader. Elrood found himself neck deep in a new job, on his way to living in a new city, doing new things with new people. Enosh broke his elbow, making updating impossible. And then he exploded forth with a fine child, sired by his wife, Chicabonita. And as for Tophat, well… dear reader, you could say that life got the better of him, and he ran. He ran so far away.
You may also have pieced together that Tophat and I… are one and the same. I am the writer that provided nothing but silly, sarcastic commentaries on cheap video games and terrible action movies! And it’s been a depressingly long time since I have written anything, rambling blog posts included.
This site has been vacant for so very long, and the dust (or, more appropriately, spam messages) have built up. The only thing that even shows there was once signs of life here are some rambling old blog posts, like ancient scrawlings on the wall of a cave. Are these bizarre messages even in English? What were these ancient philosophers trying to say?
And then, like the sun breaking through the clouds, a post emerges. And this post offers promise of tomorrow! Of the future! Of… okay fine I’ll stop rambling and talk like a normal person again.
My life has changed a lot in the past year. It also means I have tons of free time now, an active netflicks account, and a brand new laptop that is free of hideous hardware failures. But in the back of my head, dear reader, I remembered you. I remembered Faceplant! And now feels like a good time to get back on the wagon.
But what are we looking at, here? Well, saying as how I have not discussed Faceplant’s resurrection with Enosh or Elrood, we’ll assume for the time being it’s just gonna be me. So, I promise to have some sarcastic review ready for you each Monday every week. I am open to suggestions! And who knows, if things go smoothly, maybe we’ll up the number of content producing days as we go.
As for Elrood and Enosh, well… maybe if we someday get an audience, they will return someday, much like the Lorax or Frosty the Snowman.
Anyway, I’ll get a post for you guys later this week. It’s good to be back.
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