• So I hear you’re bored.

    That's okay. Some of history's greatest heroes were once bored, and they went on to do great things. You? Probably not so much. You might be able to score a coffee from Starbucks or something if you can get out of bed before they close. In the meantime, why not read some of these sweet entertainment reviews? Maybe you'll find something to help you fight back against the boredom. Maybe you'll find coffee. Probably not coffee. But maybe.
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Warm Bodies: Leave your science at the door

Get your shotguns and hugs ready!

Get your shotguns and hugs ready!

Zombies!  Nothing is a more surefire sign of the apocalypse than reanimated corpses, with the possible exception mushroom clouds and Mad Max style spiky armor.  There are a few rules to follow when you find yourself up against the walking dead: aim for the head, find a defensible position before night falls, and keep moving to avoid running out of supplies.  Warm Bodies, written and directed by Johnathon Levine, wants us to add another rule to this plan:  Hug them. Talk with them. Include them in your life.  Discover, together, what it truly means to love.

… I think I’ll stick with the shotgun and the sure fire plan of running away screaming like a little girl, but whatever floats your boat.

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Savages is a crazy movie.  It has drugs, sex, but no rock and roll.  The rock and roll is replaced by a totally out of place upbeat ringtone.  It has the young nerdy guy who played the lead in Kick Ass play a buffed out professional weed scientist.  (The movie doesn’t call him that, but I like how it sounds).  It has Blake Lively again proving she’s a real actress by pretending to get really high and really vulnerable (it’s just like The Town!).  This film was directed by Oliver Stone, so going in, I think we all knew it was going to be crazy.  The real question then is:  Is it a good film?  Uuuhh….it is, kind of?

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2000 AD: Not the comic, the bug

Tophat has become our resident action movie critic but since he finds foreign films pretentious and confusing looks like I’ll have to take the wheel on this one. It’s an exciting little number from Hong Kong called 2000 A.D. It is completely devoid of pretensions and is no more confusing than Die Hard II, and come to think of it I think Tophat mostly hates European movies but never the less. Remember when everybody thought the Y2k bug was a trendy way to make people afraid of the power of computers? No? Well do you remember the plot from Live Free or Die Hard? No? Why are we friends again? Anyway, all you need to know is computers can be used for evil and stuff. And remember a vintage 10 pound laptop “can do more damage than an atomic bomb.” Not including the damage from the exploding battery. Oh wait. That was a cellphone. Was it a Nokia? Anyway, throw in some, earlier movie spoiler alert, motivation to avenge a dead brother and you got yourself a movie. Continue reading

The Color of Magic: Putting the WTF back into fantasy

The slightly baffling book made into a slightly baffling movie!

I’ve reviewed a few Terry Pratchett books here on Faceplant, what because of how I find his books to be entertaining, and about how I am always straight up desperate for stuff to review on this humble website.  The Color of Magic was actually the very first Discworld novel Pratchett ever wrote.  But never mind that now.  Turns out there was a two-part made-for-TV movie that was released a while back, which I stumbled across on Netflicks.  I’ve never read The Color of Magic.  I understand that I am doing it backwards by watching the film adaptation first but ehhh, we’re just going to roll with this.

It turns out Pratchett’s first foray into Discworld was much more sci-fi oriented than fantasy, which is okay.  There’s still a liberal helping of wizards, barbarians and magic thrown in there too.

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Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: Oh jeepers


Oh man I totally TOLD you guys this was double Tophat post week on Monday, didn’t I?  Look at me carrying through with promises that no one was really looking forward to, or will even enjoy.  I do this for you.  My fan.  Yes, I’m pretty sure there is only about 1.3 of you out there, and it’s always difficult holding a conversation with .3 of a person.  Oh look at that I’m rambling again.  Lets just move on to the portion of this post where I actually talk about something entertainment-ways.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.  Wait, sorry.  I mean SKY CAPTAIN and the WORLD OF TOMORROW.  The caps are key for drama, you see.  It’s a movie that features a guy, some zeppelins, giant robots, and also possibly Gwyneth Paltrow.

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Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog: Whedon fever

This isn’t so much a discussion of another Joss Whedon project as it is another attempt to prove the adage that misery loves company. Don’t get me wrong. Watching Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog was far from a horrible experience. In fact, a parody of the vlog phenomenon in a super villain format is really the only way to successfully mock the short comings of the format. Everybody loves to cheer for the bumbling would be evil genius whose plans to better the world through domination as he is constantly thwarted by a man the public has misunderstood as a hero. The trouble starts when that little ball starts bouncing. Continue reading

The Amazing Spider-Man

I’m old.  28 is approaching 30 I realize, but that’s not why I feel this way.  They rebooted…..Spider Man.  Now, remember Batman?  Michael Keaton, Jack Nicholson, Tim Burton, the one that came out in 1989.  I saw it back then in theaters, because my Dad did NOT listen to my mom and keep me out of such violent films even though I was six.  But I’ll be honest, I don’t REMEMBER it really.  Just bits and pieces.  So as I found myself sitting in the theater for The Amazing Spider-Man, I came the realization that I REMEMBERED the Sam Raimi 2002 film.  Not in a “I saw that when I was a kid” kind of way, but in an “It feels like I saw that film about a year ago”.  Even though it was ten years, the Raimi film came out in 2002.  Can we really do this again so soon?  I liked that 2002 movie!  It turns out that we can.  Hollywood can basically make the same film and have it be an enormous hit.

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Men In Black 3

Hello Faceplanters!  I realize it’s been a while since I’ve posted an article.  Life threw a giant pile of stuff at me, namely moving across the country to start a new job in an industry I have zero experience in.  So in short, I’ve been busy.  But that’s ok, because it didn’t stop me from doing one of the things I love ; taking in an excellent film.  Life didn’t stop me, but Men in Black 3 certainly did.  It is NOT an excellent film.  I have fond memories of the first one, I think I’ve seen two in bits and pieces from HBO, but I figured I’d give 3 a shot.  It’s a serviceable movie that has some cool moments, but whatever mojo the first film had is long gone.

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The Million Dollar Hotel: Mocking art school dropouts for fun and profit

It was an unusual Friday afternoon. I’d been up since 5 and on the news twice…man seeks happiness through many avenues but rather finds it outside the company of those he frequently hates…A slow day really. In my somnolent state I was assaulted by a G-man with three arms and a retarded philosopher. The nuthouse noir rattled my senses…love is the water of the soul. It starts as a trickle and slowly erodes until nothing is left but a wide smooth current dragging down everything in its path…The puzzle box opened and the pieces tumbled out with no consideration for their future placement. The box art lost in a puddle of urine, I found myself struggling to cope with a story entered somewhere beyond the beginning. Continue reading

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels: Follow the money, guv’nor

Is this the right poster? No idea.

Oh man, another Faceplant article?  It feels like I just did a million of these!  Oh well, time moves ever onward and so I suppose I had better get to typing once again.

This time, I watched a movie!  What?  Movies are easier, and I already get Netflicks!  What, you want a GAME review?  Good lord, man, I’m notmade of money over here!  I’m not even made of…  working electronics up in my apartment these days.  But who cares about that!  Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels!  It’s a movie that I watched!  Now I’m going to babble on about that for like a bajillion words and you’re just going to sit there and LIKE IT.

You probably will.  It has British people in it.  Everyone loves British people!  Except for maybe the French?  I honestly have no idea about that.

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