• So I hear you’re bored.

    That's okay. Some of history's greatest heroes were once bored, and they went on to do great things. You? Probably not so much. You might be able to score a coffee from Starbucks or something if you can get out of bed before they close. In the meantime, why not read some of these sweet entertainment reviews? Maybe you'll find something to help you fight back against the boredom. Maybe you'll find coffee. Probably not coffee. But maybe.
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    Faceplant by Enosh, Elrood, and Tophat is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
    Based on a work at faceplantreview.wordpress.com.
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What’s up with Japanese RPG’s?

I'll tell you what's NOT wrong with JRPG's. Lightning. ❤

Japanese RPG’s made me the gaming nerd I am today.  I can remember the exact moment that gaming TRULY hooked me.  I went over to my friend Patrick’s house one afternoon.  His step brother was visiting from out of town and had brought with him a game called Final Fantasy 2 for the Super Nintendo.  Pat and I sat, enthralled, as Palom burned through the ice blocking the entrance to Mt. Ordeals.  Then in battle, I soon saw Fire TWO.  Never mind that I had no concept of Fire One, Fire two was damn impressive.  More than anything though, what struck me about FF4 (Final Fantasy numbering makes no sense, thanks AMERCIA!) was the story.  As in, it was telling one.  I dove in head first to the world of Cecil, Kain, Golbez, Rydia, and all the rest.  Games that tell amazing stories have been my favorite ever since.  So why did the JPRG’s of my youth give way to a general feeling of “meh” now?  What happened?

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Mass Effect 3 SPOILERS!

I think anybody reading this will know what’s up by now.  Mass Effect 3’s ending angered many a fan to the point where they were demanding changes.  Conspiracy theories abound!  The REAL ending was going to be DLC in a move to make money by EA.  It’s actually something really wacky called Indocrination Theory that makes Bioware about 10x smarter than most of us.  Bioware hates children and supports disease….ok that’s not true, but judging by the level of freak out by some, it seems that way.  As hard as it was to not weigh in my review, I wanted to keep that spoiler free.  THIS ARTICLE IS GOING TO BE FULL OF SPOILERS.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.  I’m glad I waited because today Bioware announced that the “Mass Effect Extended Cut DLC” will be coming this summer and will be free.  Is this a good idea?  Did fans get what they want or destroy the creative process for all game developers in the future?  What of the children?!  Let’s discuss.

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World of Warcraft Mists of Pandaria Beta

Hello friends.  I was originally going to write about Mass Effect 3 for today since the internet does not have enough ME3 content on it.  (Hint: sarcasm)  Life threw me a curve though in the form of Blizzard granting me beta access to the next World of Warcraft expansion Mists of Pandaria.  So I dropped all of that productive stuff I was doing…..ok yeah I stopped playing video games to play THIS specific video game.  I found the servers surprisingly stable, with only a few random disconnects, which let me do what I’ve wanted to do since attending Blizzcon last year;  create a panda monk and explore their starting zone, which also happens to be a giant turtle.  A GIANT TURTLE.  I’m sold already.

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Heroes: What do you mean we have to make a second season?!

Soon, they will face their greatest challenge... A SUB PAR SECOND SEASON.

Here’s hoping I can get this review out there before I lose power.  See, its doing that…  thunder storm thing again.  Not sure what’s up with that.  Seems like all it ever does anymore is dispense copious amounts of hell from above on southern Ohio.  But hey!  Elrood asked me to write him a Faceplant article for today, and that’s what I’m going to do.  He said this can be another Tophat Week, so I’m retroactively taking credit for Enosh’s article on Wednesday.  Oh man, Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil…  that was a tough review to write, let me tell you.

Anyway, I’ve been putting off giving you an article about Heroes since A) no one really cares about Heroes anymore, B) I hate writing TV reviews, and C) It’s Heroes, for God’s sake, but I figured I’d bite the bullet and give those of you who are considering running through the series on Netflicks my two cents on how this highly acclaimed sci-fi/drama crap shoot actually turned out.

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Kickstart my heart (whoa, yeah)

I don’t know how many of you have been keeping up with comic and video game news, but in the past couple of months there have been some exciting things going on at Kickstarter.  For those of you not aware of such things, Kickstarter is a neat way to allow creative content developers to connect directly with their fan base in order to pump them for cash, essentially.  I’ve seen projects on this site ranging from a kind of hilariously Dr. Seussian babymaking book to books of adorably friendly animal stickers, so whatever your fancy, odds are you’ll find something you like enough to fund.  Rich Burlew, creator of Order of the Stick, recently held a very sucessful kickstarter campaign to reprint some the old, out of print OOTS that nettedover a million dollars for his awesome stick figure comic.  On the video game side of things, eyes are locked on to Double Fine’s new game creation campaign, and all the shenanigans therein.

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Hello Faceplant readers, it’s that time again.  Where as we hit our 300th post, we stop writing articles that you know, MEAN something and instead turn to you.  The dear folks who happen to visit our site.  All of us have visions of people coming to Faceplant for the amazing prose we string together three times a week.  But, if this many articles has taught us anything, that is not to be.  How do most of you end up getting here?  Easy….really dumb search terms.  Seriously.  I remain amazed by some of the bizarre things people search for and I’m even more disturbed that the search engine gods somehow sent you HERE.  But there you are, cautiously wandering the internet, only looking for 300 faceplants.  What the hell does that mean?  I don’t know.  I’d like to think that the picture above represents that yes, life can hurt sometimes, but you CAN overcome.  But I don’t think it does.  I think it’s a sweet picture of a dude totally ramming his face into the ground that has a silly spelling of the word factory in the background.  So here we go into the world of the weird stuff people searched for on the internet to find us.  Onward!

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Lilyhammer: Just when I thought I was out…

Netflix and I have had a rough relationship over the last six months. First she develops split personality disorder, then she says I never take her anywhere nice or buy her expensive presents, then finally she becomes nearly impossible to communicate with. But we’re committed to one another. She knows what I like and I know how to push most of her buttons. Now.

This fickle creature is taking a serious step towards legitimacy in the entertainment business. Like HBO did to cable, so Netflix is trying to do to the internet. She is trying to bring premium, exclusive, and more importantly, profitable programming to the internet, and her first endeavor, Lilyhammer, is a spiritual spin-off of HBO’s long-time bread-winner The Sopranos. Continue reading

Blizzcon 2013 coming soon….WAIT WWHHHHAAATT?!

As regular Faceplant readers know (any of you?  hello? internet?) Blizzcon is a big deal to me.  I’ve attended it for the past three years.  Two of those years, I became super annoying picture-taking guy for the sole reason of posting most of them on this very blog.  It has become a tradition, an excuse to jet out to sunny California and spend time with my friends and an even bigger bunch of like-minded folk who share my love of Blizzard games.  I was thus enormously surprised and kind of sad when Blizzard announced that in 2012, Blizzcon would not happen.  Actually, announced is a strong word for it.  It was basically a throwaway line in a small post, although I’m sure Blizzard was aware of the firestorm it would cause.  This is not a OMG BLIZZARD WHAT ARE YOU DOING post.  While having no Blizzcon to attend this year is indeed lame, Blizzard is not stupid.  I actually agree with them.  Overall, holding a Blizzcon this year was not a good idea.

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Diablo 3 Beta Quick Hits

It’s been a long freaking time.  I played Diablo 3 the first time I attended Blizzcon in 2009.  I’ve never played the original.  I only dabbled in Diablo 2 for a short time, mostly because by the time I played it the game was pretty outdated compared to what else was out there.  However, the appeal was clear.  Dark fantasy setting, tons of different ways to play a character and LOOT.  Oh the loot.  There’s a shiny piece of awesome around the next corner if only you played for a few for minutes.  Diablo has mastered this concept.  After playing for the first time I was excited.  Then I played it for a second time….at Blizzcon 2010.  Then I played it for a THIRD time…..at Blizzcon 2011.  IT HAS TO BE SOON!  The beta is a very small dose of D3, but I can tell just from the very limited time I’ve spent playing that Blizzard will once again be the cause of tens of thousands of hours being lost across the world to this game.

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Dr. Who: Have you met my friend?

No matter what era you're in being dapper never goes out of style

I wasn’t originally planning on making a post about a TV show, but since I wasn’t originally planning on making a post today at all, I guess it all evens out in the wash.  See, I don’t have cable.  All movies and TV shows that grace my ocular globes are streamed straight through the Xbox (I’m…  not sure why I just said ocular globes instead of eyes just now).  As the story goes, one day I woke up with an insatiable appetite for terrible science fiction shows, which have led me down the path of watching shows like Farscape (meh), Sliders (ehhhh) and Primeval (ugh).  One show that I have found that I have enjoyed thoroughly, however, has been Dr. Who, which I kind of went in to with complete ignorance about what kind of show that was.

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