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Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels: Follow the money, guv’nor

Is this the right poster? No idea.

Oh man, another Faceplant article?  It feels like I just did a million of these!  Oh well, time moves ever onward and so I suppose I had better get to typing once again.

This time, I watched a movie!  What?  Movies are easier, and I already get Netflicks!  What, you want a GAME review?  Good lord, man, I’m notmade of money over here!  I’m not even made of…  working electronics up in my apartment these days.  But who cares about that!  Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels!  It’s a movie that I watched!  Now I’m going to babble on about that for like a bajillion words and you’re just going to sit there and LIKE IT.

You probably will.  It has British people in it.  Everyone loves British people!  Except for maybe the French?  I honestly have no idea about that.

The first time I heard about Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, I was in high school.  Maybe?  Kind of fuzzy on that.  I remember someone sitting around the old lunch table at some point and rattling off quote after quote from this movie.  Granted, in high school I was still in that stage when no one had adequately convinced me that cartoons were not the pinnacle of all television and movie greatness, so I think I may have just blown off the whole thing as irrelevant.

Our four main brosephs, engaged in a classic British pastime: Going to the pub.

I remembered some of the quotes, though, and the name of the movie popped up throughout the incoming years.  And then, I started a blog with Elrood and Enosh that required me to actually watch movies so I’d have an infinite source of content to produce.  The website was launched on…  actually, you know what?  Enough backstory.

Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels is about four British guys, Tom (Jason Flemyng), Soap (Dexter Fletcher), Eddy (Nick Moran) and Chev Chelios I mean Bacon (Jason Statham) who get into a mess of money troubles with Hatchet Harry, the self-proclaimed king of pornography.

See, the four guys have this get rich plan.  Eddy is a bit of a card virtuoso, and the boys reason that if he can get into one of Hatchet Harry’s infamous high stakes card games, he’ll wipe the floor with the competition.  Of course, Harry doesn’t necessarily play by the rules (what sketchy crime kingpin doesn’t cheat during the high stakes card games?) and the boys get stuck with a 500,000 pound debt.  Pound in this case being British currency and not, you know, fist bumps.

The plot unravels from there.  The four guys are a bit on the slacker side of the scale and they quickly determine that the best way to get the money is to wait until someone robs the neighborhood pot heads and then just simply rob them.  A third of the way into the movie you’re juggling between four groups of people juggling the money back and forth between them.  Round and round the money goes, guv’nor.

Does smoking pot work like this? I have no idea.

First, what I liked about the film:  It’s funny.  The plot is ridiculous.  You can’t have a scene where a man beats someone with a rubber uh, sex accessory without chuckling a little bit.  The four groups are varying degrees of incompetent, though even the competent ones get stuck in the mess every now and then.

Jason Statham is in this film, too!  But this isn’t the same Jason Statham that you’ve come to adore while he murders his way to victory.  No, his character Bacon is more of a laid back stoner type.  He’s still Jason Statham, and therefore weird, but he’s no Transformer Transporter.

What I didn’t like about the film:  There wasn’t much in the way of character development.  The only character in the first group of guys that I could recognize was Soap, because he was the whiny one.  The rest of them were standard middle class slacker stereotypes, or in some of the other groups, the I’ll-break-your-toes thug types.

Still, a British comedy action crime film!  Who doesn’t want to see that?

Anyway, the movie was fun to watch, even if in the beginning I did have a hard time keeping the plot straight.  I’m willing to chalk that up to my own personal error, though, as I may or may not have been paying close attention.

It also definitely helps if you can understand a British accent.  It’s been a while since I watched Dr. Who, but it came back to me after a half an hour.  What?  I have troubles with accents!  It’s the truth because I said it.

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