Elrood is dead. Quick, help me loot his corpse for crafting materials

Posted on May 18, 2012 by Tophat

I WILL AVENGE MY BROTHERS, DIABLO 1 AND DIABLO 2

I’m not sure what happened to Elrood today, though I’m fairly sure it has 100 percent to do with the fact that Diablo 3 dropped this week. Elrood has obviously been actually consumed by this horrific, ancient evil in his never ending quest to upgrade his loot I mean destroy evil forever. Actually, the probability of something like this happening was pretty high from the start of the week. Look, man, when a hideous demon lord starts chucking fireballs at small village hamlets, sometimes you just have to man up and totally forget about posting articles about video games on the internet.

I have also been plowing through Diablo 3 this week. This isn’t a formal review on that, especially considering as how I have completely ignored the plot and journal entries because of the possibility of rare magic pants erupting from the corpse of that next demon. Suffice to say this: The game starts with an old man and a meteor, a solid opening to any game.

What is up with the meteor? Hell if I know. It probably has something to do with Diablo, who the game assures us is dead, but you JUST KNOW he’ll still be around considering the game is called Diablo 3. Maybe we’re actually dealing with a series of demon brothers, named Diablo, Diablo 2 and Diablo 3, respectively? Demons aren’t really known for their creativity.

So, I guess we need to just accept it. Elrood has been slaughtered by the lord of the abyss. He’s not coming back, bro. He’s just not. Being impaled on a flaming death spear isn’t really something you can recover from. All I can do at this point is hope that I can find his corpse, so that I may loot it and then sell those items on the auction house to other Elroods. I’d imagine that they are possibly named Elrood 2 and Elrood 3, sitting ready to avenge Elrood 1 by rending Diablo 3 asunder in mortal combat.

Maybe I will also ask the bonus Elroods to write articles for Faceplant, once they have ended Diablo 3’s reign of terror, setting the stage for the ascension of Diablo 4, the OTHER OTHER demon brother.

As with all amazing epic sagas of wonderment, keep checking back here, Faceplanters!