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Two Guys and a Guy: A strong argument against friendship

Neither does any guy out there, really.

Friendship is a strange creature.  I’m not going to say it’s magical.  No, any corny statement I could have made along those lines has been thoroughly ruined by the resurgence of a girly tv show for girls that was around back when I was a young boy.  But that’s besides the point, shut up.  I was going somewhere with that friendship crap.

No, no stop right there.  I don’t want to hear any more about ponies.  Good lord, man, it’s a friggin’ Hasbro line!  I don’t…  no, be quiet.  I don’t care how witty the writing is!  The whole thing is just product placement!  And what’s up with their faces?  No, I told you, I don’t care!

Forget ponies for a moment.  I know, unthinkable.  Instead we’re going to take a look at the other side of friendship.  No, not the sparkling pony magic one!  God, it’s always about ponies with you!  No, this is the side of friendship that makes you wonder if you’d be better off locking your doors and never talking to another human being ever again.  Which, I have to say, is preferable to pony magic any day.

Two Guys and a Guy, a MWF comic by Rickard Jonasson, explores the tender avenue of terrible friendship between three friends.  Though the word “friend” here can be used rather loosely.

When will Manfred get his time?! Wheeeeeeeen!?

Two Guys and a Guy follows the lives of three terrible people as they eke out an existence in their small community.  The problem here is that none of them can be considered decent people by any definition of the word.  There’s Wayne, who might be able to shape up his life if he could stop worrying about being cool, Guy, the token chick who has so much baggage she might as well be an airport, and Frank, a stoic super genius who may, at any given point, murder everyone in a five-mile radius.

There’s no plot to follow.  Each comic is a self-contained joke that can include anything from a character’s death (mostly Wayne’s) to the horrific maiming of one of the main characters (also Wayne).  The comic is also peppered with tons of dialogue exchanges between the three friends as they encounter many every day problems, such as love, dating, work and Frank.

Guy and Wayne are pretty similar, except whereas Guy is a downright bitch with absolutely no goals beyond making fun of the world around her, Wayne has dreams that he is too cool to pursue.  Also, Wayne has a thing for unicorns.  Weird, that.  Shit, wait we’re back on goddamn ponies again.

I'm literally with Guy on this one. Wait, shit. Don't hurt me.

Frank is a bit of a wild card.  He’ll never laugh and take the abuse doled out by Wayne and Guy stoically.  An inventor at heart, Frank spends a lot of his time making up weird new inventions and genetic advancements, which he may or may not be testing on Wayne at any given point.  Also, Frank may or may not be a serial killer.  And by “may or may not” I mean “hell yes he totally is.”  There are actually three kinds of friends you can have.  Good friends, bad friends, and then the people who you are friends with because if you’re not their friend, you’re their enemy and then they will murder you.

Of course, there’s about a 50 percent chance Frank will end up murdering you anyway, but 50 percent is better than 100 percent, right?

Poor Wayne

It’s rare for me to pick up a non-plot comic, mainly because I’m such a junkie for that stuff.  However, the writing in Two Guys and a Guy always keeps me coming back.  As the comic progresses, we learn a little more and more about the three main characters, and thus learn another reason to be glad none of the three seem to have much drive beyond making each other miserable.  Yet, Jonasson’s art is so clean and fun to look at, you’ll also be hard pressed to hate any of the characters.  Sure Wayne and Guy are terrible, snide, backstabbing bastards, and sure Frank is going to harvest your organs maybe, but they’re like family. They’re your terrible, awful friends.

I’d recommend reading Two Guys and a Guy, especially if you’re in the mood to escape some of those plot heavy comics and are in need of a reminder of why some people choose to maybe not have any friends at all.

In your face, ponies.

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