• So I hear you’re bored.

    That's okay. Some of history's greatest heroes were once bored, and they went on to do great things. You? Probably not so much. You might be able to score a coffee from Starbucks or something if you can get out of bed before they close. In the meantime, why not read some of these sweet entertainment reviews? Maybe you'll find something to help you fight back against the boredom. Maybe you'll find coffee. Probably not coffee. But maybe.
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    Faceplant by Enosh, Elrood, and Tophat is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
    Based on a work at faceplantreview.wordpress.com.
    Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at http://faceplant.co.

Don’t cry for Enosh. He is already dead

WHO DID THIS

Alas!  Alas poor readers of Faceplant, for this is a tragic day!  This is, sadly, the day that Enosh, beloved son of a houseplant and a giraffe, has shaken off this mortal coil to join his ancestors in Bloghalla.  Wednesday is supposed to be Enosh post day, but alas, alas, this is not the Enosh post before you.  He must be dead.  What else could he be?  As you read these words, I’m sure his body is even now being prepared to be set afloat into the sea, to be lit ablaze by mourners, who are too wracked with grief to vocalize their emotions sufficiently.  Don’t cry for Enosh.  He is already dead.

Enosh was a man of mystery, in part due to the fact that I just made that up right now.   Elrood, too, has mysteriously vanished, which has lead me to two conclusions:  Either A) he is the one responsible for Enosh’s death, or B) Whatever got to Enosh has also claimed dear, noble Elrood.  May the two of them write endless sonnets of video game reviews across the great long tables of Bloghalla (which is totally a real place that I didn’t make up on the fly.  It’s also fun to say, give it a whirl).

Also, this means my life may also be in danger, if there is a mysterious force hell bent on snuffing out the Faceplant staff.  Not to worry, I have already entered Biblionerdette into the Witness Protection Program, which was a feat in itself because she has not witnessed anything.  

As for me, I intend to get to the bottom of this tragedy.  It will be like an action film, I swear.  I will personally track down those responsible for this grave injustice and have a bloody showdown with them on top of a building, which will end with me jumping off the structure backwards while shooting dual pistols upward at a helicopter, which will more than likely explode into a great fireball.  Enosh and/or Elrood will be avenged!  Stay strong, blogbrothers and blogsisters.  We will come through this!

And at the end of all that, there will be a real Faceplant post later today.  Maybe once I get home from work?  Or maybe if the impossible becomes possible and Enosh rises from the dead like a horrible, disgusting zombie just to change the way you think about movies and video games.  Believe in miracles, my friends!  Pray for the return of zombie Enosh!

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4 Responses

  1. Oh dear. Good luck, Tophat!

  2. Okay, so I don’t know if I found Enosh’s killer or not. I got in a fight with SOMETHING in a helicopter, though. You might hear about the fight tomorrow. I doubt that much tapioca pudding could be dumped on a busy interstate without someone noticing.
    Anyway, an article that is actually about things that may entertain you is now up 😛

  3. This article is WAY better than Dr. Who

  4. […] way.  It’s me, Tophat.  Elrood is being held by a war crimes tribunal for what he did to poor, poor Enosh, so I’m filling in for him this week too.  How about that?  Impromptu Tophat week!  YOU […]

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