2000 AD: Not the comic, the bug

Tophat has become our resident action movie critic but since he finds foreign films pretentious and confusing looks like I’ll have to take the wheel on this one. It’s an exciting little number from Hong Kong called 2000 A.D. It is completely devoid of pretensions and is no more confusing than Die Hard II, and come to think of it I think Tophat mostly hates European movies but never the less. Remember when everybody thought the Y2k bug was a trendy way to make people afraid of the power of computers? No? Well do you remember the plot from Live Free or Die Hard? No? Why are we friends again? Anyway, all you need to know is computers can be used for evil and stuff. And remember a vintage 10 pound laptop “can do more damage than an atomic bomb.” Not including the damage from the exploding battery. Oh wait. That was a cellphone. Was it a Nokia? Anyway, throw in some, earlier movie spoiler alert, motivation to avenge a dead brother and you got yourself a movie.

The Million Dollar Hotel: Mocking art school dropouts for fun and profit

It was an unusual Friday afternoon. I’d been up since 5 and on the news twice…man seeks happiness through many avenues but rather finds it outside the company of those he frequently hates…A slow day really. In my somnolent state I was assaulted by a G-man with three arms and a retarded philosopher. The nuthouse noir rattled my senses…love is the water of the soul. It starts as a trickle and slowly erodes until nothing is left but a wide smooth current dragging down everything in its path…The puzzle box opened and the pieces tumbled out with no consideration for their future placement. The box art lost in a puddle of urine, I found myself struggling to cope with a story entered somewhere beyond the beginning.

Breaker Morant: Incivility in an uncivilized environment

Ask anybody who has seen combat and they’ll tell you all the poems are true. War really and truly is hell. In 5,000 years of recorded history that is one fact that has remained a constant. We try to keep the brutality civilized with rules of engagement and gentleman’s agreements like the Geneva Convention. The trouble is the winners of wars are more often than not guilty of tossing the rule book out the window. And in the case of the Geneva Convention when a war is fought against commando units who cannot be explicitly linked to any government it makes the convention nearly impossible to enforce. Such is the crux of the 1980 Australian movie “Breaker” Morant.

Atlas Shrugged: and so did I

This year marks the fifty-fifth anniversary of the publishing of Atlas Shrugged, the foundation of libertarian philosopher Ayn Rand‘s Objectivism ideals. In the years since her passing she has largely slipped from the public conscience and with the fall of communism her ideals have largely been taken for granted or simply left to decay like so many Soviet tanks in a field. There have been efforts to reopen her philosophy for debate. Bioshock was a thinly veiled critic of John Galt and Ayn Rand. And now someone has seen fit to make her Magnum Opus into a movie.

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil: This isn’t your dad’s Chainsaw Massacre

What do you get when you mix the Bad Seed and Texas Chainsaw Massacre then film them from the wrong perspective? An hour and a half of pure, unadulterated movie bliss. I was mildly concerned that I had waited too long to see Tucker and Dale vs. Evil and the  anticipation would kill all hopes for enjoying it, but occasionally a movie is so good it lives up to its hype. I should probably preface this review by restating that I am not a fan of the horror genre. I find slasher films to be particularly horrible. My suspension of disbelief does not extend to the sheer idiocy of the victims found in these films. The fact that I’ve seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre, albeit in 2003 remake form, is a small miracle in and of itself. Not only do I hate horror films, but I also hate satires of the genre in the vein of the Scary Movie series. So why did I love a movie that is essentially making fun of Texas Chainsaw?

Wild Target: Bill Nighy the non-science ghuy

I have somehow managed to once again put off watching Tucker and Dale vs. Evil another week. I’m not sure how I keep doing, but it’s troubling. I really want to see that movie. At any rate, I was having trouble sleeping the other night and decided to watch “just one more movie” to fall asleep. Such is the life of an insomniac. This particular film was Wild Target. It’s probably been in my instant queue for a year or so and I couldn’t tell you how it got there in the first place but here I was watching a British movie about an assassin chasing a con artist through London.

Visioneers: In a forgotten corner of Martha’s Vineyard George’s bones are rattling

Every once in a while I go through periods in which really depressing things make me happy. I suppose it’s cathartic but I always assumed catharsis had to end in crying or blood. Lots of blood. Pooling in those strange dips in the carpet you’re pretty sure are left over from something dirty the previous occupants of your apartment owned. Anyway, this all started back in college when I read The Bell Jar. Sylvia Plath is, or rather was, the living breathing Debby Downer. Though John Campbell is trying his best to assume the crown. I’d forgotten just how wonderful these times could be. Thankfully I have Zach Galifianakis to remind me. Before his break out role in The Hangover this comedian with an impossible last name starred in Visioneers.

The day the internet died: and something about House of Pain

I come to you from behind a thinly veiled wall of protestory and shenanigans. For the nerdiest of our nerdy readers, you may have noticed some of your favorite websites have gone dark for the day. These websites range from blog hosts such as our own gracious hosts wordpress.com to social sharing sites such as reddit, to the almighty wikipedia have shut down services in an effort to raise awareness of two bills being debated in the U.S. Congress that would grant the U.S. Attorney General the power to effectively shut down any website it deems necessary. Now, technically these powers are limited to actions on websites the AG has found to be operating in violation of piracy laws loosely defined by the legislation in question. But if we have learned anything from Obama and his many Czars, those in power have no qualms about stretching the limits of their powers in an effort to exercise more of the powers beyond the scope of intention of the original powers. Power. So quelling piracy in 2012, rewriting current news in order to fuel the stagnant economy in 1984. Or simply turning U.S. into the new China. They own all our debt anyway.  But enough politics.

Four Rooms: A New Year’s Eve for the Books

Traditionally New Year’s Eve has been a bit of a disappointment for me. I always had these delusions of some grandiose party that would be the . In the end I usually found myself playing board games, or maybe pool, and watching a movie with some friends. Which was fun in its own right. But there were no ticker tape parades, no spontaneous renditions of Aud Lang Syne, and I only had a pretty girl to kiss at these parties once. I think that was the party where a girl caught her hair on fire by sitting in front of the gas radiator too long. She was an odd one. I think she ended up marrying some guy and moving to Africa. The best celebrations I’ve had were the ones with my current wife. Her family traditionally goes out for a big meal at a fancy joint with a stellar wine list. We tried to go out on the town once but we never speak of that night. So if you’re like me and you’d just as soon stay in with a nice bottle of bubbly and a few kindred spirits I’ve got an excellent movie suggestion for you. It’s even got nudity and mild violence.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: Hollywood hasn’t cornered the market on lame

After Elrood picked up the book The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo I decided to give it a go myself. Despite some very disturbing scenes I found the book entertaining on a level not reached by any other novel whose pages I’ve thumbed this year. So when I saw the book’s native sons had created a movie built on the book I had to take a look. And wouldn’t  you know it I found a rainbow inside? But you don’t have to take my word for it. Sorry, I think I’ve been watching too much TNG lately. Anyway, the Swedes made a movie based on the Stieg Larrson novel. Who apparently doesn’t drive fast cars around an airport just off the A281 in Guilford. Being Swedish the movie is subtitled which precludes about 80 percent of my friends from seeing it. The lazy bastards. Still I’ll soldier on for all you internets.