Empire Earth: Time traveling with Satan

I admit I never played Empire Earth the first time around. I was always vaguely aware there was a game called Empire Earth and that it involved commanding armies during the most violent and bloody periods of human history, but I already owned Age of Mythology and saw little reason to expand my real-time strategy [...]

OpenTTD: I have opened a Pandora’s box

As you may have already guessed my Faceplant faithfuls, rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. Instead of making new subterranean friends, or rather extracosmic friends, I’ve been locked away in a dark closet comforted only by the hum of an overzealous 60mm fan in an effort to bring you my humble opinion of [...]

Kirby’s Epic Yarn: My first foray into Dream Land and I spend all my time in Patch Land

Ok, I’ll admit it. I’ve never played a Kirby game. My only experience with the little pink over-eater was in Gamecube’s Super Smash Bros. And a few rounds of Kirby golf on a ROM. So Kirby expert I am not. In fact, the only reason I picked up Epic Yarn is because I thought the [...]

DogFighter: Childhood hobbies return

A close friend and distant cousin shared my obsession with World War II airplanes growing up, but he took it  a step further. He bought a joystick and a book on dog fighting moves. I just spent my time reading about the majestic P-38 and the deadly Stuka while he actually flew the things in [...]

New Super Mario Bros. Wii: Did you know crows are really smart?

There are a couple of things everybody should know about Nintendo. First, their developers seem to derive some sick pleasure from finding new and exciting ways to kill and generally infuriate you as you try to navigate their bizarre worlds. Second, their office must be in some dark, dank basement full of cubicles designed to [...]

XBLA 3: Indie edition

I realize the timing of this is down right awful, what with us on the cusp of another Holiday season game release frenzy, but after you’ve woken from your New Year’s Eve (unless you’re in China. Is WordPress blocked in China?) haze stumble back to your computer and remember this article. Here you will find [...]

Just Cause 2: Mayhem on the end of a grappling hook

I think we all saw the developer walkthrough for Just Cause 2. I decided to rent the game based on that 10 minute video alone. It sounded like it had everything I love in a sandbox videogame. Over the top stunts and explosions, an expansive area to explore, and something I’d never seen before. The [...]

PGR2: Backwards compatability should come standard people

I think the time is about right for me to tell you a little story. This is the story of why Enosh bought an Xbox 360. You see, as a kid I was never allowed to own a console. After all, videogames rot your brain and make you afraid of sunshine. I had of course [...]

Red Dead Redemption: City slickers need not apply

Actually, this game is great for city slickers and range riders alike. But still! The co-op missions come out tomorrow, so I thought it high time I weigh in on the game that made rdr cougar an internet meme. I feel that I am more qualified than my counterparts Elrood and Tophat to discuss this [...]

MadWorld is a dud world

A Sega game on a Nintendo system would have been weird back when this game would have been good. Now it’s just a run of the mill violent game with a bad soundtrack that makes the main character do some weird butt dance when he’s not throwing people into machines and spraying their blood all over the screen.