Mass Effect: a novel idea

So, I made a mistake. I’ll be the first to admit it.
I completely forgot to check out the second Mass Effect novel before I played the second game. I have a feeling it seriously hampered my ability to enjoy it.
Ascension is sort of an odd book. It doesn’t really pick up the main Mass Effect storyline where Revelation left off, but then again, that’s what the game was for. But it also doesn’t pick up where the first game left off.

MadWorld is a dud world

If you’re looking for a bit of the ultraviolence you could do worse than MadWorld. You could also do much, much better.

In a society that has seen it all when it comes to violence, MadWorld is rather boring spectacle. Had this been released on the Playstation (numero uno I mean) and been made to compete for your hard-earned duckets against the likes of Mortal Kombat and Twisted Metal it could be considered horrifyingly brutal and therefore socially relevant. It’s unfortunate that it wasn’t because those two titles could be considered graphical peers, or very nearly. It would have lost to those two anyway because its single player only. But, this being 2010 and not 1995 the game is competing with such horrifyingly brutal titles as Manhunt and that came out seven years ago. Come to think of it the plot lines are similar, but that’s neither here nor there.

XKCD: Abandon all hope ye who enter

I’m going to let you in on a little secret.

Well I’m not going to shout it across the room, come here. Little closer. Closer. Too close……closer. Ok, here it goes. I’m a nerd. There I said it. I posted it on the internet so you know it’s true.

Now that that’s off my chest I have some fabulous news for all of my fellow nerds. There is a comic wholeheartedly dedicated to our plight. XKCD is a physicist’s, mathematician’s, linguist’s, and a systems analyst’s comic all rick rolled into one. I will be the first to admit that I by no means get every reference in the comic, but reading through the archives with a Wikipedia tab close at hand is one of the single greatest pleasures I have had in the past year.

Dark Tower VI, the worst of the series?

Editors note: The following is rife with spoilers and may be wholly incomprehensible without background knowledge of the first five books in the Dark Tower series.

I’m normally not a Stephen King fan, but I got into the Dark Tower series after a friend absolutely insisted I read it.

This same friend warned me that the sixth installation is a very hard pill to swallow and after 12 “stanzas” I’m inclined to agree with him. My absolute number one beef with the Song of Susannah is the fact that King had the gall to add himself into the book. I’m sure he thought it lent to the whole mystic of the story with a life of its own, and maybe he even thought it would help readers suspend their belief. He was wrong. Inserting yourself into your own novel is possibly one of the most egotistical and alienating things an author can do. Especially in a third-person omniscient narrative.  Once Roland and Eddie decided to head to  Bridgton my respect for the book dropped faster than oranges in a mob hit.

Bioshock 2: You’re not my real dad!

I heard the announcement that there was going to be a Bioshock 2 with a wince and a fair amount of anxiety, dreading the return to Rapture just as much as I would dread seeing one of those awful Disney made-for-DVD sequels of their classic movies.  Uh, not that I have a soft spot for Disney movies or anything, shut up.  You don’t know me.

It really didn’t add up.  Bioshock ended tied up in a nice little ribbon on top of it, and I don’t know about you, but I got the feeling Rapture wouldn’t last much longer regardless of which ending you saw.  The dream was dead, all that was left was for the rest of the underwater city to realize it.  Plus, Bioshock was the first FPS game I played that really went above and beyond its genre, story wise, gameplay wise, and philosophically.

Godfather II: Just another sandbox game

For anyone who has read the book or seen Godfather II, and let’s be honest, if you haven’t you’re not playing this game, you may be in a for a few surprises. Whatever you do, don’t read the book or watch the movie within six months before playing this game. Don’t do it. As a matter of fact, don’t play any game based on a movie shortly before or after seeing said movie. Consuming the same storyline across mediums without providing ample time for digestion between will always lead to despair and indigestion.

First and foremost is the complete and utter lack of trips to Las Vegas. I say trips because there is a lot of flying between cities as you struggle to maintain a grip on your fledgling empire. It is casually mentioned that Don Corleone does live and work in Vegas but he spends most of his time in New York at the Federal Building in the court hearing. Also, I should mention the good Don is neither voiced by Al Pacinio or Michael Imperioli and while Carlso Ferro does a convincing job of playing an Italian American with enough power to know he doesn’t have to flash it, he by no means brings the character to the forefront. In Assassin’s Creed II on the other hand he is fantastic. Speaking of fantastic, John Mariano was spot on as Fredo. RIP John Cazale.

General Mish-Mash: Podcasting with poorly drawn Potatoes

General Mishmash is a REAL man's potato.

Stuff. You talk about it. Sometimes you wish other people talked about it too. Well, we are other people. Presenting the first Faceplant podcast, General Mish-Mash episode 1! We hit some of the hottest topics in the universe today, such as why hammocks are awesome. Seriously. But we also talk about how 3d games will be invading our lives and making them more….expensive? Speaking of expensive, Tophat freaks out and explains why Modern Warfare 2′s DLC is the devil and we’re all idiots. We also hit on some other big games such as Borderlands and Left 4 Dead 2, but really sink our teeth into what makes Mass Effect 2 great. And terrible. And also, kinda ehhh. With quick hits on game remakes, developers mailing it in, and many reasons why Enosh sucks, you can’t afford not to listen. Enjoy!  (The voice we referred to as “Peck” is actually “Tophat”.  Don’t ask.)

The stakes of remakes

What is it about remakes that we love so much?  Why can’t we just let something die?  It’s been an unexplained phenomenon for at least the past century, where it seems our culture wants nothing more than to take one of our beloved cultural icons and beat it with a stick, until it looks nothing like the original.

I always thought it went down like this:  somewhere there’s a large, open conference room stuffed full of old men in suits.  The old men have enormous white beards and eyebrows that look ready to rip a man’s face off.  They’re all wearing top hats and have monocles, and have been frantically discussing how to work the intercom without having someone walk outside to actually ask the secretary.  They are all over a hundred and fifteen years old.

Defeated, the men turn to their real job as presidents of entertainment, looking toward their, old gnarled CEO for guidance.  He clasps a cigar between his parchment thin lips and asks the question.