I am sick

HEY CUZ.

So hey.

Hey.

Here’s the deal.

I am not feeling so hot.  It’s nothing major, I’m sure.  Just a general case of the blahs that is making it difficult to think and makes me take legendary naps.  Yet, somehow, I find myself inexorably drawn back to Faceplant.  Routine has reared its ugly head.  I have to write an article because this is just what Tophat does on Sunday evenings.  I feel like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, a sick feeling in my gut as I know that it is time to watch Price is Right but there are no TVs around me anywhere.  Uh oh.  7 p.m.  Time to write Faceplant.  Uh oh.  7:01.  UH OH.

The story of Elrood

ARRR WOOF WOOF ARRRRR

Hark!  Hark ye wee beasties and gather ’round, for it is time now for me to tell you the story of Elrood!  This is a man who has lead our tribe into glory, armed with naught but a sharpened stick and a PS3 controller.  He is a legend among his kind, which is impressive saying as how he is the sole remaining member of a cabal of ancient yet honorable nerd ninjas who have transcended the Guitar Hero and Rock Band franchises to actually become their own bands.

Luther: Nailing a treatise to the house of the glowing idiot box

I despise television. I find it to be a massive waste of time. If it were not for my wife’s insistence I wouldn’t have cable. Sure I’d miss watching my Reds and my Buckeyes, but it would keep me from the temptation. You see, despite my firm belief that television’s sole purpose is to turn my brains to mush so they are more delectable for the aliens, I am more than willing to sit in front of the damned machine for hours on end. Thanks to the likes of DVR and Netflix I have eliminated the need for commercials, but I can’t get away from the simple mindless pleasure. Since my wife insists on paying for cable, or rather Direct TV after all why just watch TV, I have been able to leave behind the trash the big four networks have deemed worthy of the masses. Instead I sift through so many channels I can’t even count them and only subject myself to the finest in mind-numbing production.

Post 200: It keeps happening!

We bring you Faceplants of a nerdier variety, but people still want the ultraviolence.

That’s right. This is post 200 and we here at Faceplant are still going strong. We’ve been very excited to see more and more people coming to our humble blog every week, so excited in fact that we can’t help but keep posting more reviews of the best webcomics, video games, movies, and books we can find. In fact, we have been even busier in the literary section thanks to a little help from our dear friend Biblionerdette. She has been turning out recommendations on all sorts of fantastic and scientific fiction with a few other genres tossed in for good measure at a break neck speed. But this post isn’t about us. Today we once again point the camera at you our audience in accordance with long-standing traditions.

A Great Evil Is Upon Us: Prophets Say World Doomed

Greetings Earth! As many of you are aware it is becoming increasingly apparently that we are a doomed people and our complete and utter annihilation is nigh! This young reporter’s fingers are trembling over the keys of his typewriter as he pens this harrowing news but, have no fear, his resolve is not shaken. He will deliver to you the information vital to your survival.

The horrors that seem to signal humanity’s final hour began just a few short weeks ago with the arrival of an alien race known as the Mondoshawan, but unless you’ve been living under a rock, which seems like a prudent proposition at present, you already knew that. These strange obese creatures in their shiny suites came spouting tales of impending destruction and called for preparation to fight this coming horde. Some say this new alien race came from beyond the Perseus Veil or from the dark void beyond our galaxy itself. Others say the strange beings were given directions to our little blue-green home in the unfashionable end of the western spiral of the Milky Way galaxy by recent NASA’s Ellie robot. Despite rumors that the Mondoshawan were forcibly removed from the Galactic Organizational Body for excessive use of logic, the ninnies in our current administration saw it fit to disregard their warnings.