Here’s the deal.
I am not feeling so hot. It’s nothing major, I’m sure. Just a general case of the blahs that is making it difficult to think and makes me take legendary naps. Yet, somehow, I find myself inexorably drawn back to Faceplant. Routine has reared its ugly head. I have to write an article because this is just what Tophat does on Sunday evenings. I feel like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, a sick feeling in my gut as I know that it is time to watch Price is Right but there are no TVs around me anywhere. Uh oh. 7 p.m. Time to write Faceplant. Uh oh. 7:01. UH OH.
It’s not even that I have anything to write for you guys. I did, as I mentioned above, spend a silly amount of time sleeping in the last few days, which has cut my free time rather short. I guess I could review a couple of books? Or maybe this game I keep playing about Orcs, and how they must die for some reason that I have never had adequately explained? Or maybe I could do a complete cop out and do NONE of these things.
Here’s a thought. Why don’t you guys review something for us for a change, just to switch things up? It would be like opposite day, in a bizarre parallel universe where people still think opposite day is the highest quality prank that can be played against a dude. Except, you know, cool.
I guess what I am asking here: What do you guys want to see in your faceplants? Do you want to see more cats? Books about cats? Games about cats? Or have you, like many, many others before you, stumbled onto this site in the hopes of finding video footage of some guy eating astroturf at the big… sports game? Maybe you want to see someone, feet a’flailin’ high in the air, whilst their face is pressed firmly into terra firma? Should a cat be in the picture too? No seriously, I want to know.
Oh god, it took me 20 minutes to write all that. I’m seriously off my game here today. But never mind that! We’re going to turn this into a focus group.
Please answer the following survey in the comments below as accurately and honestly as possible. Your answers may shape the future of Faceplant! Or, at the very least, entertain me for a solid hour.
1) Do you still think of Pluto as a planet?
2) What is your favorite dinosaur and why? Please include a picture of said dinosaur eating a burrito with the presidential candidate of your choice.
3) Do you like this survey so far? It requires constant validation or else it starts getting emo and posting to livejournal.
4) What is that smell, oh my god.
5) What would improve Faceplant? Explosions? More Rain Man quotes? Maybe an exploding Dustin Hoffman?
6) If you were running from a top secret and murderous brotherhood, and were fleeing down the street and a car pulled up next to you and it was a cat wearing a top hat and monocle, shouting “GET IN THERE’S NO TIME TO EXPLAIN MEOW,” would you get in the car?
7) Why is basic math so difficult?
Thank you. Your cooperation in this enrichment exercise is much appreciated.